he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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