i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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