you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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