You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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