Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We need to get me chipped asap
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
