im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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