The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
