I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did i walk over a car last night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
