Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
