you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
