that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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