I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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