I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
