i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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