I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
