i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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