Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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