It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
