Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
