Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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