The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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