so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
