i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
