My first STD was from a foam party
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize