i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
