Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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