is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
