i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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