I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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