There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
