Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
