I'm jealous of your bromance
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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