I wish i was in the wii world.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
