Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
