That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
