I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
