I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
porn star boner night. come get it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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