Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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