I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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