I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
