True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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