we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
