My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
