ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
