Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
