Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
