just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
