I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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