Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
