You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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