dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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