The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
