this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
