I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize