Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
