Plan B is the new Plan A
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize