He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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