Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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