My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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