Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
