who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
