i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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