i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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