I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
