my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
