I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
