He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
