If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
