she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize