The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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