I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
