She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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