One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Even my vagina gasped.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize